Kimberley bell

Mindful Parenting: Showing Our Kids We Value Them

Take a moment and think about the last time you told your daughter or son, what you appreciate or value about them? 😊

For many of us, this isn’t typically at the forefront of our minds. And if it is at the forefront, it may be more “achievement-focused.” Praising or encouraging better study habits, grades, athletic performance, chores, manners, etc. don’t necessarily fall into the category of valuing our children. Our world is a “doing” and more “achievement” focused one. We’ve become fixated on comparing and measuring, to the point where we can no longer see the forest through the trees. We lose sight of the key ingredients that allow all human beings to thrive and experience happiness: feeling loved, accepted and appreciated in our human connections and relationships.

👉 Think about this…If you felt appreciated, loved, valued, and accepted for who you were by everyone in your life, how would that make you feel? How would your life experience be different if this were the case?

My hope is that we can begin to make small changes in how we relate to this next generation.  As we do this, we also begin to shift. I think you may agree, these kids need a change. So many of the older kids in this generation are literally just trying to survive. They need to feel better about themselves 🌟

Hopefully we can teach them personal empowerment, to be the driver and creator of their own lives. Living and feeling fulfilled has more to do with sharing love, working together, and being part of something bigger than ourselves.

💫 Here are a few thoughts about showing our kids we value them 💫

Spending dedicated time with your child…unplugged if possible.

A powerful way to show kids we value them, is by choosing to spend our personal time with them. So, I suggest you make a date, for just the two of you. I encourage parents to allow the child to choose the activity. This allows you to be in their world 💭 🌎 And it also says, “not only do I want to be with you, I respect your choice and I value what you do.” 

So often kids have to do what the parent wants them to do…like almost always! It is not often a child gets to make the rules or suggest for the parent. Years ago, my son only loved playing video games (I know I said ‘unplugged’ but hear me out). So we would go to lunch and play video games during our time together. During that time, I honestly think he thought I walked on water. If you don’t like what your child suggests…maybe this is an empowering moment for you to stretch your boundaries 🙌

This is invaluable time for both of you to share. In life, we have choices to either grab ahold and make it happen, or allow life to grab ahold of us and dictate our precious time ⏰

Be an example of imperfection for your child.

Who, reading this right now, doesn’t find comfort in knowing other people make mistakes? Why is that? Because it allows us to feel better about ourselves. Kids are NO different. Typically kids are on the hook for more than their fair share and have unrealistic benchmarks set before them. 🙈 

I believe the generations before us felt so much weight and pressure to raise “in-line” and “controlled,” kids. Remember “Leave It To Beaver?” Well, that’s what Beaver was, Wally too. Ahhhh the perfect family. Funny how that “perfect depiction” has added to our not feeling good about ourselves, as well as assisted with the manifestation of 40-50% of us being depressed. 

But let’s turn this ship around by admitting to our children, and ourselves, that imperfection is an integral part to being human, and to our personal growth 🌱

When we admit this, it’s liberating. When we admit this to our kids…it’s liberating. Everyone breathes a huge sigh of relief. It’s okay to be human, this is why we are here. This acknowledgement is not a free pass to purposely not care or blow things off. What actually happens is, it allows for compassion to move to the forefront between parent and child. It allows a connection on many levels. One may be, “we are all in this together.” Another might look like, “you are not alone, we all mess up.” These are the human experiences that connect us to ourselves and to each other. Parents are the true teachers when it comes to how to be in life. Often the profound life lessons happen in our homes, amongst our families.

We are here to connect, and show our kids how to connect and learn the life skills that are necessary for our happiness. Not through our phones, but through being present in our connection to them. These are the ways we tell our kids that it’s cool to be them! And they begin to feel accepted and maybe think “Oh, my parents like me.” They know too, that you value your own time. But they also see that you take your time to be with them! 🙂

This is an empowering part of parenting that I feel may get lost, especially as kids grow older and towards independence. It’s paramount for emotional happiness with moving into adulthood and beyond. 

I hope this article helps foster stronger, more trusting, closer relationships between you and your kids. Here’s to showing our kids how much we value them! 🫶💜

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